More Work on Changing How I Think About Eating

A couple days ago I wrote about my issues with eating. Someone suggested I write more on the subject because talking about this and how I’m striving to be better and live more wholeheartedly could help others find their ways.

I was hesitant because people have ragged on me for years about my eating habits. I know they mean well, but there are times I still deal with past and those old feelings of never doing anything right and never pleasing anybody. Sometimes it feels like everyone is finding fault with me for being me, because I’m not like them. I know, I have to stop taking things so personally.

Then, too, a part of me rebels whenever someone tells me what I have to do. No, I don’t have to! But I know chatting about things opens the door to changes. Yes, sometimes something will be said, and I know I would never do that. However, there are many times someone will mention what they do, and I’ll think, “I could definitely do that!”  

So, do I dare blog? It would be putting myself out there big time and give do-gooders a chance to rag on me. Sharing information and learning something new is always good. Plus, these conversations could help people who also struggle with good eating habits. We don't all have to be health-nuts to eat better and be healthier. And for those who want to be that health-food-conscious, that's OK for them. I'm still going to eat foods I like. I just want to be smarter with when and how much.

The funny thing is, I’ve been healthier than most people my whole life! (Except for being overweight in my adult years.) But now I’m realizing I need to make changes and pay attention to what I’m putting in my body. Physically and mentally I need to make adjustments to my eating habits. Physically, because, well, I just need to eat better. Mentally, because I need to change how I think about eating and food.

Sometimes it takes a long time for things to sink in and these past couple of weeks, all those signs inside I’ve been feeling for a while finally came to a head. Maybe that fall I took last month awoke something within. I realize I can no longer go without sustenance between a snack around 7 p.m. to lunch sometime the following afternoon with only a smoothie and coffee in the morning. Holy crap, I just realized most days I go 12 hours or more without any solid food! No wonder I’ve been feeling unwell.

Wednesday morning breakfast with a friend was good, but for the rest of the day, I didn't eat well in spite of all the chatting lately and the thinking in my head. I only had five mini Snickers throughout the afternoon. Around 6 p.m., I pulled apart the grilled chicken a neighbor had given me the night before, made chicken salad, then put some on two hamburger buns.

Eating two sandwiches in one sitting is something I don't need any more to fill me up, but I always make two because I'm afraid I'll still be hungry. I ate the first one and it filled me up, then ate the second an hour later just because I didn't want to put it in a baggie. Yeah, my tummy got a little queasy.

This morning over two journal pages were about eating! Almost three hours after getting up, while I was journaling, I listened to my body, and as soon as I felt that lightheadedness come on (the precursor to a full-blown headache which then leads to a queasy stomach), I knew I needed to eat.

The smoothie is OK to get me started, but I need something solid. I know that and need to do something about it instead of just thinking about it and continuing with other projects. I told myself I couldn't do any emails until I ate something -- and I did -- English muffin Fluffernutter, especially nice on a cool morning. (I should’ve taken a photo.)

Another thing I notice is I keep talking about eating, but I don't mention meals. Maybe I need to get into eating consistently before I can consider what I eat for a meal … but I’m such a fussy eater. Another excuse to go with the long list of reasons why I don’t eat; and why I need to change my thinking.

I started thinking about the excuses I make to not eat -- like being busy with a project, then jumping right into another one because I don’t want a pause in the creative spark. There are interruptions and distractions. There's the laziness about getting up to put something together or even putting something on a plate or in a bowl and heating it in the microwave. Gosh, I can come up with so many excuses and they mean nothing.

But it is hard taking a meal break when I'm on a creative-idea-mind-flow. I try to take notes while I'm getting food ready, but it's not the same. That streaming word flow is broken. The creative moment changes its oomph and then I can't get it back. I always describe it as: If I don't give the muse 100% attention when she shows up, she goes away. Maybe I could talk to her about this.