Thinking for Ourselves

Thinking for Ourselves and What's Past History Got to do with Today

Yesterday started off with a great blog from Eric Rhoads saying to question everything. He talked about fear, changing beliefs, and not relying on the comfortable past.

He said, “This isn't a time for comfort, it's a time for critical thinking, for questioning everything we believe, for questioning everything others tell us and questioning who we trust to load our brains. It's also not a time to seek reinforcement of what we already believe, but a time to deeply question ourselves and what we are clinging to from our past. 

“Answers always lie in our questions.”

Then last night, I turned on a PBS show about “Ken Burns – Storyteller,” only it wasn’t about Burns, it was a Rick Steve’s segment on the rise of Fascism in Europe. (Why lately is PBS listing shows and when I go to watch, it isn’t the show listed in the guide?) Below are some basics:

Both Mussolini and Hitler used the disaster after WWI to rally the people of their countries by telling them what they wanted to hear. Both men were charismatic and good actors, putting on great shows promoting nationalism and promising better lives. They used democracy to obtain power and once they had it, became totalitarian rulers. They created fear to promote fascism.

And for a while, they did do good things. They re-built the infrastructures of their countries (which had been destroyed during the war) with roads and buildings which provided jobs and hope for the demoralized nations. They promised the expansion into other countries would provide more homes, materials, and better life.

But they further promoted fear while making all the false promises – and when people are afraid, they listen to the promises. (People tend to believe the words/promises and not what they see actually happening.) And millions of people did believe – mob mentality with both leaders holding huge rallies with speeches geared to work people into an excited frenzy of what they were being told.

Then when they had people believing and supporting those promises, the noose tightened. There were government/military induced riots with burning and looting (usually of Jewish and those as perceived as against the new regimes). Those who spoke out against them were – eliminated – either imprisoned or killed. 

Their dictates were everything was for the state. Everyone worked for the greatness of the state. There was no privacy, no individualism. Freedom of speech was banned. People were told what they could say and what they could read. Even art was relegated to a certain style. The media was government controlled, so people reading the news or listening to radio was only hearing what the leaders wanted them to hear – over and over and over. (Think brainwashing.)

The leaders capitalized on people’s fears using fear to promote their regimes. They promoted themselves as loving, caring leaders to the masses. Hitler had the Hitler Youth groups, brainwashing the young to his beliefs. He made movies showing himself in a loving, family-oriented atmosphere. And many people believed. Many people didn’t see the real horrors of what was happening (until it was too late). They believed what they were being told … that it was all for the best for the country.

Spain and Portugal were also fascist countries. Franco, Spain’s dictator, had Germany bomb Guernica, but he never joined the Axis … and remained Spain’s leader after WWII. (Pablo Picasso’s most famous painting “Guernica” is considered “one of the most moving and powerful anti-war paintings in history,” according to Wikipedia. 

The program ended with advice to not trust people who promise easy answers for complicated problems, to educate and promote independent thinking not based on the media, and to maintain critical independence. 

Maybe we should all be listening to, reading, and watching some of these history programs. What are we being told compared to what is really happening? What’s the whole picture? A snippet can be taken far out of context (and happens all the time).

Are promises being made actually able to become reality?

When do new laws and rules, combined with all the past laws and rules, become the noose on America’s freedoms?

And, my big question is always, “Where’s the money for all the so-called wonderful programs coming from?”

Yes, I believe changes need to be made, but I also believe this war between the Democrats and Republicans isn’t about the American people, or the United States, as a whole. (And it is a war! It’s no longer about American citizens. It’s about the political parties.) It’s about power and dictatorship. Imagine if the millions of dollars spent in this governmental war was used on programs to help Americans, if the money was put back into the economy? What if the millions used to promote candidates was put to better over-all use?

Just thinking about this all …

 

 

 

 

 

 

Start and Stop with the Next Painting

Two stints in the studio this morning. My intent was to work on “Pleasant Foggy Morn,” but instead, I stood in front of this one. "A View Without Guile" work in progress:

I realized earlier, when looking at the original inspiration photo on the computer, the size was more of a panoramic, not square as the printed photos, so I moved the bottom tape up removing almost 2 inches to make the painting panoramic.

My goal for the day was to get the sky done. I love doing skies, but they’re always a challenge. For one, I don’t have the exact correct colors of pinks and oranges for sunrise/sunset paintings. And, no matter how much I look at the photo, the minute I pick up a pastel, my hand starts moving. Once more it’s like something else takes over and it doesn’t matter what the photo is like. Color goes onto the paper and the painted scene takes on a life of its own.

Even though I was only focusing on the sky, I put color below the horizon to start getting the feeling of what’s to come. (Yes, I know it’s off. This is just preliminary work.) I also did some work on the horizon, the mountains/trees … just beginning.

I returned to the computer to import the progress photo. When perusing the progress photo, I can see where I need to make adjustments. It’s always interesting how looking at a progress photo gives a different perspective than in looking at the actual painting.

I noticed the progress photo is not the same color as the original photo. The overall original is darker, and the sky and water reflections are more pink than orange. I forgot that my printer doesn’t print exact color on regular copy paper. However, as it's only for inspiration, it doesn’t matter if the scene is exact … unless I choose it to be so … but I like the original colors.

I have to be wary of another challenge. If I over work the sky to keep “fixing” it, it starts getting muddy looking (because of the paper I use).

This is a lesson I need to come to terms with, and one I grumble about all the time. I need to work quicker. Get the painting done and not rework it to death!

(Please forgive the reflections, I just wanted to get some color down … still needs lots of work.)

Too many ongoing projects gets confusing

I’m cranky. I’m trying to get my head together, keep up to the creative fire raging within before it burns out, but I keep getting distracted. It’s laundry day and there are things needing to be done.

And, I’m playing catch up. The folder of inspiration photos to use for possible paintings is growing. I teased a friend about posting too many photos I fall in love with. She, and others, are so gracious about giving me permission to use their photos.  

Yesterday and today, many pictures are clamoring for attention. It’s like they’re all shouting, “Paint me! Paint me!” But I’m not just a pastel painter, I’m a writer, so there are always words demanding to be written, too, and I’m frustrated because I have to keep getting up to tend to necessaries. Then, once I sit back down, it takes a few minutes to get my head back around to what I was working on.

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I planned to go in the studio yesterday, but instead, took supplies out on the deck and drew two new initial sketches in a 5 ½ x 8-inch sketch book. It was such beautiful, cool morning! The slight breeze was refreshing and the little birds – chickadees, nuthatches, titmice – were back and forth to the feeders with their chitterings, along with a pair of cardinals and their, “chip, chip, chips.” The downy and hairy woodpeckers would occasionally come to the suet. My back yard looks so wonderful now that it’s been cleaned up of overgrowth.

I finished the two new sketches, then realized I had six other drawings in the book. Two were of paintings already in-process on the easels. Another has been initially sketched out on BFK Rives paper (my favorite pastel support). The other three were of various angles of a scene of which I am doing a series of paintings.

This morning I planned to hit the studio, but first I wanted to write about all these wonderful ideas and what’s happening. I am extremely happy when the creative muses are here. However, as I worked, I found another initial drawing for a possible painting.

I’ve been so busy I haven’t taken time to eat today and it’s past noon. Sometimes the lightheadedness reminds me to eat before I feel hungry. However, when I reach this stage, my stomach starts feeling queasy and I don’t want to eat – but I have to … in a bit.

Wanting to be Done But …

I'm so trying to get this finished. I'm close. I'm having trouble with lighting in the studio and getting the photo to show the true light. 

Recently, in my last couple of paintings, I get the sky done beautifully, then when I start working down, the tree colors get up into the sky and when I try to fix, it ends up getting muddy. Usually I do pretty good with skies, so this problem is driving me crazy. Maybe I just need to get a painting done and stop hemming and hawing and “fixing” it so much! 

This one is Number 4 of the year but was actually started in December 28. I've finished numbers 5-9. It's time I finished this one before I get into Number 10.

Today I worked the reflections a lot more and I better defined lines between land and water. I also worked on the rocks and water. I’m thinking I only need to fix up the right-side reflections and sign it.

Creativity Endeavors Run Amok

Between gardening and other outside work, painting often gets put on the back burner. I pushed myself this week to finish “Angel Pose” and put “Pele and the Wind Glasses” back on the easel to touch up before bringing them to the framer.

In the meantime, I’m still picking away at “Winding through Autumn,” a painting I started in December. I worked on it here and there throughout the months and here it is July and I’m determined to finish.

I’m struggling with the lighting in the studio. Even using a daylight lamp, the light when I take the progress photos is inconsistent.

July 14 was the first day in July I work on it. 

Here’s what I wrote about the work at the time: The sky looks muddy up close. I added more blue and white. I can’t figure out why dark color gets in the sky … I should put on the fan to blow the dust downward, I guess.

I added yellow grasses, yellow greens, black penciled edges water edges. I also better defined the bare trees on the right, worked those grasses and the rocks.

July 17: Back to it again. I worked on grasses, rocks, shoreline, and started the reflections. I added a different color blue to sky and water. I’m to the point where I feel I need to sit down to do the finish work where I can get closer to better see what I’m doing.

I’m struggling where the left piece of land juts into the river, the change in the water there, and how the reflections begin.

But it’s coming along. I made a to-do list of what to “fix” and that’s not counting the muddiness of the sky. That’s driving me crazy, though standing a couple feet back, you don’t notice.

July 18: In writing about yesterday’s work in the morning pages, I pulled up the original edited photo in PhotoScape and enlarged to full screen. Oh, my goodness! I can see so much more! The question now becomes, how do I work from this … if I print an 8 x 10 on photo paper, will I see it this way?

So, I added a little saturation for printing purposes and printed an 8 x 10 on regular paper. Much better than the 4 x 6 I’m working with. It would still look better on photo paper. (photo Corey’s edited … a little more)

Now I want to get in the studio! But I have morning pages to finish and it’s an editing day. Gosh, though, can I bring this vibrance to the painting? Maybe I should wipe off the sky and re-do (it looks muddy anyway.)

I finished my writing then did a first. I brought the easel and painting outside. I’ve been saying I want to do that for a while and never made the time. 

What a difference actual daylight made on the painting! I didn’t sit, though, and I really need to do that for the more detailed work. I went back for supplies including lint free paper towel.

And so, I stepped backwards with it to go forward. I turned the board upside down and wiped off the sky, then turned it back around and wiped off the excess water. Wow, there were layers of pastel – what a waste! The amount of pastel dust floating in the air was unbelievable.

I didn’t bring out enough colors, so did the best I could for now rebuilding the sky. Then I worked the trees, bringing the tops higher into the sky, shaping them better, adding some dark. I redid lower bushes though I didn’t quite have the right shade of green.

I like it better with less clouds. 

July 20: Outside again to work while also watch tree cutters taking down leaning oak. I brought out more colors but still not quite enough.

I added more gray and blue back to the sky. Up close it still looks muddy, (think it’s because I overworked the paper itself.)

                                                                                                                                              

I’d brought out a couple deeper reds for the trees and added that. I brought the branches a little higher and made them more tree-like. I time better defining the rocks, adding more green to grasses and bushes, darks to bushes and reflections. Not bad, for now.

Tree-cutter guy said I needed to move, so I packed up. Good thing. A little while later the tip of a dead branch crashed down right on the table where I was working. Thankfully, it didn’t break the table tiles.

July 28

Time for a little studio work. I added lighter colors to trees, grasses and water. The water is getting muddy, I’ve gone over it so many times.

I used a ruler to make lines to have the reflections match the tree line, however, I found when I worked on the reflections, my trees would lean. That meant I went back in with some water blue to try to straighten the tops.

What a difference in the progress photo when I snap the picture after working outside compared to a photo taken in the studio. (The difference in color and tone between the July 20 photo and today.

Please, Do Not Erase History!

I’m sure I’m going to offend some people with this writing, but what’s going on in this country right now – I’m just totally sickened by it. Every day I skim through my Facebook page and get depressed.

When I first began freelancing for the newspaper, I was told to always check stories for facts before submitting for printing. It’s important to print (tell) truth … I know we still hold to that for our newspaper. (We’re not perfect, but we strive to tell the truth as best we can.) However, I’m concerned about other media being as interested in truth.

It seems like common sense, true honor, integrity, responsibility, accountability, kindness, understanding, love, etc. are just pretty words to bandy about with the real meaning lost to an underlying goal. They’re words used frequently (transparency now a common one) and do not match the actions of the speaker/group/business.

What’s truth? What’s news? What’s propaganda? How do we tell the difference anymore? Who can we believe? What authoritative figure has been “paid for” or “bought by” whom?

But this is me. This is what I see and feel. I don’t mean to offend. If you feel what I might say will upset you, don’t read.

It saddens me greatly to hear people wanting to erase history, destroying statues, removing label icons, et. al. I swear, the stupidity of people gets worse every day. It's amazingly appalling.

Amazing because it's hard to believe people fall for this shit and jump on the protesting bandwagons. (I’m not saying there are not problems, there are!) Appalling because I don't see how erasing history will make the problems go away and solve issues.

If we take the Aunt Jemima-type icons off labels (personally, I feel the Aunt Jemima picture is about a nurturing-looking mama whose a good cook) and destroy statues and pictures, how will that make the country a better place? Will doing all this stop prejudice? "Animal Farm" and "1984" by George Orwell are coming true.

Next, they'll be putting up billboards to tell people how and what to think. (Oh, they already do.) Hey, let’s add the song, "In the Year 2525" to the brainwashing, governmental control. 

Slavery was (still is, and is still going on, in other countries) horrible. (Personally, I’d like to see groups going after those still enslaved today, freeing those who are oppressed, etc. We can’t change history to help our ancestors, but we could, possibly, help those living it today. I think that’s what my ancestors would want.)

And, here's something to consider -- instead of tearing down and destroying, look more into the people  (Washington, Lincoln, J. Davis, Aunt Jemima, etc.) as to who they were, maybe what they stand for. (I’m only including a couple of names in the news, but there are many more.)

I watched some history thing a few years back about G. Washington, and, as a man, he was a bit of a jerk. They MADE him into a hero when he really wasn't. That said, he stands for the father of our country, and he does stand for liberty and justice! And what he stands for should count, and that's why he's a hero ... not because he owned slaves, but for the figure he was made into. 

C. Columbus -- now we find out he, too, was a horrible man in how he treated indigenous people. As did many of those old explorers … all the guys, mostly guys, throughout history explored, “conquered” and stole from the people of those lands. And we grew up being taught they were all heroes.

Maybe it’s just about updating history, not destroying it. These people still played a part in how this country developed. ALL sides of the stories need to be told! Isn’t it important to tell all the truth we can instead of hiding it and pretending it didn’t happen?

You’d think with all the eons of history, mankind would have learned from the past. There certainly is enough written. There have always been wars. There’s always someone wanting to take what others have. There have always been abusers. There are those who always want to take over. There are always those who SAY they want the best for THEIR people, yet only continue to build their own powerhouse.

Think about it. I’m sure all the Caesars, Alexander the Greats, Napoleons, Hitlers, Stalins, etc. believed they were in the right. AND, they convinced their followers they were.

Conquering African tribes enslaved the conquered and sold thousands to the Europeans. Europeans turned the peoples they conquered into slaves. Is there a country who didn’t turn their conquests into slaves in one aspect or another?

And maybe that's why I've never had real heroes. I've always seen they were men and women of power, often with personal agendas and often they hurt many to get to where they did. We are all human and none of us perfect. We only see the side they (whoever “they” are) want us to see. Everyone has their – let’s just say, not-so-good side. And we all have our opinions of right and wrong – and how far some are willing to stretch those lines.

So, let’s tell the WHOLE story! The not so good along with the accomplishments. DO NOT ERASE history! How can we learn from it (and see when it's getting repeated) if it's erased?

I’ve been saying for quite some time, don’t tear down statues and such, update the plaques to help teach people the truth … the bad along with the good accomplishments. Tell some whys. Help people understand.

The past is fascinating and could help us create a better future. It’s important to be reminded of what happened in the past – because it could happen again. Stories of the past could help us see what’s out of balance today. The past can show up how to improve today and how we can better human beings.

We can never escape our human beingness. It’s what makes us human. There will always be good guys and bad guys. It’s human nature. It’s life and all the ups and downs that come with it.

All we can do is be the best we can knowing there are those that, for whatever reason, will not live up to what we think is right … but no one can be totally right. Heck, sometimes we, ourselves, can’t live up to our expectations.

The song, “Turn! Turn! Turn!” written by Pete Seeger (my favorite performers of this were the Byrds), and, I guess taken from Ecclesiastes 3 – but in my mind, I hear the Byrds –  “To everything (turn, turn, turn)  There is a season (turn, turn, turn) And a time to every purpose, under heaven …”

Stopping the Fear Cycle

Water in the brook is low. The coolness coming in through the slider has me putting on flannel shirt and wrapping a blanket over my lap. I don't want to fully close the door because I like the fresh air.

A flash of white and orange-yellow by the brook catches my attention. Leo-kitty is hunting chipmunks. I go out to get a photo and movement below the railing draws my eyes downward. Two chickens, similar color to Leo's darker orange, are scratching for dropped bird seed. I like the chickens. Leo doesn't bother them -- they are as big as he is.

For a person who swore to refuse to live in fear, I’ve been finding myself worrying excessively lately. For someone who swore to avoid media sensationalism, I’ve been letting it get to me.

Eric Rhoads, whose blog I read every Sunday, never ceases to amaze me of his topics. He almost always writes on an issue I’m also dealing with. Below is part of what he wrote this week:  

“Fearing fear is actually a wise thing. They did not have the science data we have now, but it turns out that fear triggers massive releases of cortisol in the brain, which actually impacts your thinking ability and launches you into a fight-or-flight mode.

“According to Psychology Today, ‘low-grade cortisol baths’ seem to be the biggest immune system culprit of all. These ‘baths’ are smaller influxes of cortisol all day long, primarily due to a stress-dominated thought process ... When added to the concept that your brain, in many ways, doesn't know the difference between what you vividly imagine (or worry about) and what is real, you can see the damage your panic may be wreaking on your risk of contracting a circulating virus.’”

Rhoads went on: “They go on to say, ‘When stress, anxiety, worry, overwhelm, depression and isolation are left unchecked they actually reduce the effectiveness of your immune system and make you, and those around you, much more susceptible to getting sick.’

“Not only does fear impact our physical health by weakening our immune system, causing cardiovascular damage, ulcers, and irritable bowel syndrome, it can accelerate aging and premature death. Fear also creates memory impairment and tends to "lock in," making things worse by increasing anxiety. Fear causes brain processing impairment, which results in erratic decision-making, increased negativity, explosive behavior, and impulsive reactions. All of this then leads to fatigue. It seems to me that with COVID-19, our immune systems have to be our highest priority.”

That line about our brains not really knowing the difference between real fear and imagined fear is interesting. As much as I try to avoid media scaremongering, I do get caught up in the snippets I do hear and read on FB ... and I am afraid of where this might go. Can I blame some of my excess pain and tiredness on the worries of the current affairs? Wow, think about it, "... fear impacting our physical health by weakening our immune system ..." 

  

I raise my hand. Yes, I've been allowing this to happen. Funny how when something gets pointed out, you can have an "Aha!" moment. It's ironic, too, I always talk about not talking about it but then I do talk a lot about it and think about it. ("It" being the shit going on in this country.) I may not spend a lot of time reading and listening to current news, but it's hard not to know about things when it's shoved in your face and ears all day long.

And I am scared about where all this is going to lead. It's hard not to worry when they keep promoting the scaremongering and negativity.

We all have our own crosses to bear. We also have ability to choose to make our own world. Maybe some of our ancestors didn’t have such options. I consider myself very lucky to live where I do and to have grown up here in this state. I don't know how anyone living in big cities copes, but they do -- until they don't. Perhaps it's because this is the only world I know; I don't know city-world.

Just because I’m white and just because I grew up in this beautiful, fairly-quiet state, my life hasn’t always been easy. I have walked through personal fires to get to where I am today. Maybe being white made some things easier, but life certainly wasn’t easy at the time I was going through things.

Many have known some kind of oppression or have been abused! Gosh, when I think back ... and probably no one would realize or recognize how ... mentally tortured ... I was growing up. I don't think family even understood what I went through. And I'm not blaming them. I’m not blaming anyone. Like I said, we all have our crosses to bear.

I know many others had things so much worse than I. There are those who change their lives and there are those who use their situations to be destructive and vindictive – looking to blame everyone else (family, teachers, government, et.al.) for their lives. They're looking for someone else to "save" them, when I don't think they really want to be saved – they’re stuck in the anger and believe destruction will make up for their unhappiness.

I know of a lot of people (no matter what race, religion, or belief) who have climbed out of whatever hell they were in. No, it's not easy and it takes a lot of hard work, but they made the decision and did it. People can change their lives, but they have to make that choice and then make it happen.  

Then again, I don’t really understand everything. Maybe a cause, for some, is just an excuse to be destructive and loot. And once a few start the violence, it’s easy for the mob mentality to take over and others jump on the wave.

I’m sad this happens. I’m sad people think the destruction of businesses and others’ homes are the answer. I’m sad innocent people take the brunt of the anger. I’m sad when many people “pay” for the inappropriate actions of a few. I’m sad when the few “bad apples” shroud the good ones.

I don’t have answers. I don’t know how to fix things. I could offer my opinions and beliefs, but those aren’t real answers. I just know that what’s going on right now in our country isn’t the answer either.

So, for my own wellbeing, I guess this means I need to work extra hard to avoid getting caught up in the mania and keep adding to my little oasis. Fixing up my property to make a personal sanctuary makes me feel good. I can close out the world ... at least for a while. It's important to keep creating beauty in my paintings and around my yard. This is my oasis, and to surround myself with beauty comforts my soul, helps me forget (at least for a while) what’s going on out in the big world.