Stopping the Fear Cycle

Water in the brook is low. The coolness coming in through the slider has me putting on flannel shirt and wrapping a blanket over my lap. I don't want to fully close the door because I like the fresh air.

A flash of white and orange-yellow by the brook catches my attention. Leo-kitty is hunting chipmunks. I go out to get a photo and movement below the railing draws my eyes downward. Two chickens, similar color to Leo's darker orange, are scratching for dropped bird seed. I like the chickens. Leo doesn't bother them -- they are as big as he is.

For a person who swore to refuse to live in fear, I’ve been finding myself worrying excessively lately. For someone who swore to avoid media sensationalism, I’ve been letting it get to me.

Eric Rhoads, whose blog I read every Sunday, never ceases to amaze me of his topics. He almost always writes on an issue I’m also dealing with. Below is part of what he wrote this week:  

“Fearing fear is actually a wise thing. They did not have the science data we have now, but it turns out that fear triggers massive releases of cortisol in the brain, which actually impacts your thinking ability and launches you into a fight-or-flight mode.

“According to Psychology Today, ‘low-grade cortisol baths’ seem to be the biggest immune system culprit of all. These ‘baths’ are smaller influxes of cortisol all day long, primarily due to a stress-dominated thought process ... When added to the concept that your brain, in many ways, doesn't know the difference between what you vividly imagine (or worry about) and what is real, you can see the damage your panic may be wreaking on your risk of contracting a circulating virus.’”

Rhoads went on: “They go on to say, ‘When stress, anxiety, worry, overwhelm, depression and isolation are left unchecked they actually reduce the effectiveness of your immune system and make you, and those around you, much more susceptible to getting sick.’

“Not only does fear impact our physical health by weakening our immune system, causing cardiovascular damage, ulcers, and irritable bowel syndrome, it can accelerate aging and premature death. Fear also creates memory impairment and tends to "lock in," making things worse by increasing anxiety. Fear causes brain processing impairment, which results in erratic decision-making, increased negativity, explosive behavior, and impulsive reactions. All of this then leads to fatigue. It seems to me that with COVID-19, our immune systems have to be our highest priority.”

That line about our brains not really knowing the difference between real fear and imagined fear is interesting. As much as I try to avoid media scaremongering, I do get caught up in the snippets I do hear and read on FB ... and I am afraid of where this might go. Can I blame some of my excess pain and tiredness on the worries of the current affairs? Wow, think about it, "... fear impacting our physical health by weakening our immune system ..." 

  

I raise my hand. Yes, I've been allowing this to happen. Funny how when something gets pointed out, you can have an "Aha!" moment. It's ironic, too, I always talk about not talking about it but then I do talk a lot about it and think about it. ("It" being the shit going on in this country.) I may not spend a lot of time reading and listening to current news, but it's hard not to know about things when it's shoved in your face and ears all day long.

And I am scared about where all this is going to lead. It's hard not to worry when they keep promoting the scaremongering and negativity.

We all have our own crosses to bear. We also have ability to choose to make our own world. Maybe some of our ancestors didn’t have such options. I consider myself very lucky to live where I do and to have grown up here in this state. I don't know how anyone living in big cities copes, but they do -- until they don't. Perhaps it's because this is the only world I know; I don't know city-world.

Just because I’m white and just because I grew up in this beautiful, fairly-quiet state, my life hasn’t always been easy. I have walked through personal fires to get to where I am today. Maybe being white made some things easier, but life certainly wasn’t easy at the time I was going through things.

Many have known some kind of oppression or have been abused! Gosh, when I think back ... and probably no one would realize or recognize how ... mentally tortured ... I was growing up. I don't think family even understood what I went through. And I'm not blaming them. I’m not blaming anyone. Like I said, we all have our crosses to bear.

I know many others had things so much worse than I. There are those who change their lives and there are those who use their situations to be destructive and vindictive – looking to blame everyone else (family, teachers, government, et.al.) for their lives. They're looking for someone else to "save" them, when I don't think they really want to be saved – they’re stuck in the anger and believe destruction will make up for their unhappiness.

I know of a lot of people (no matter what race, religion, or belief) who have climbed out of whatever hell they were in. No, it's not easy and it takes a lot of hard work, but they made the decision and did it. People can change their lives, but they have to make that choice and then make it happen.  

Then again, I don’t really understand everything. Maybe a cause, for some, is just an excuse to be destructive and loot. And once a few start the violence, it’s easy for the mob mentality to take over and others jump on the wave.

I’m sad this happens. I’m sad people think the destruction of businesses and others’ homes are the answer. I’m sad innocent people take the brunt of the anger. I’m sad when many people “pay” for the inappropriate actions of a few. I’m sad when the few “bad apples” shroud the good ones.

I don’t have answers. I don’t know how to fix things. I could offer my opinions and beliefs, but those aren’t real answers. I just know that what’s going on right now in our country isn’t the answer either.

So, for my own wellbeing, I guess this means I need to work extra hard to avoid getting caught up in the mania and keep adding to my little oasis. Fixing up my property to make a personal sanctuary makes me feel good. I can close out the world ... at least for a while. It's important to keep creating beauty in my paintings and around my yard. This is my oasis, and to surround myself with beauty comforts my soul, helps me forget (at least for a while) what’s going on out in the big world.