A Beginning Discussion on Suicide
I’ve been having some conversations about suicide lately. There
are lots of opinions and beliefs out there, but I see no real discussion. It’s
a touchy subject and one most people don’t understand. And, of course, in the
past, it wasn’t mentioned hardly at all. It wasn’t talked about because people
believed it brought shame to families. It was whispered, rumored, but no one actually
talked about it out loud. People even feared the word suicide.
Could it be the subject is too uncomfortable for people to
talk about it? Unless it’s some celebrity, then it’s news. Some just brush it
off by saying, “Why didn’t he seek help?” Others remark, “There are medications
that would have helped her.” There’s the latest excuse, “It’s a mental health
issue,” as if by blaming it on mental health makes those with “mental health
issues” some kind of freak. Others will mention the misery it causes the family,
especially if a note was not left leaving them wondering what went wrong and
not knowing.
Whenever I hear of a suicide, my first thoughts are on the
person. What made her feel there was no other way? What made him so unhappy he couldn’t
deal with his life anymore? I want to know the story. I want to know why. Is
suicide really more prevalent now or is it just we hear about it more. (I tend
to think it’s the latter.)
What could have been done to help? Did she just need someone
to talk to? Did he need someone to understand and accept him for who he was?
Was she tired of being ridiculed and abused? Did he feel no one loved him?
As a person who has sometimes been on that edge, I
understand. I understand how one can be so discouraged with life he can feel
there’s no way out. I understand how someone can feel there is nothing left for
her; there’s no reason for her to live. There is no purpose any more.
Everything seems to go wrong. The frustration and grief with life is so
overwhelming they can’t take it anymore. And the worst: Feeling no one
understands, that no one will EVER understand what you are going through! That
you are all alone in the world.
Sometimes I feel I’m walking a tightrope and one wrong
comment or negative remark will throw me into the abyss from which I may never
get out. We all go through hardships and challenges in life. When does it get
to be too much? And all those well-meaning people willing to offer advice in those
old clichés that can come off as sounding mean and uncaring to someone who’s
depressed. Keep your chin up. Grow some spine. Get over it. Stop being so
negative. You’re such an idiot. Oh, I have a whole list of those types of
things. I bet you do, too.
Many of us grew up in a time where tough love was the way to
encourage children to be strong. That works for some, but not all. Emotions
aren’t always a comfortable subject. What parent wants to know their child is
unhappy. What child wants to see mommy in tears or daddy in a rage. And what
about peer pressure (which can happen at any age?) If you’re called a name
often enough, how long before you believe you are what they call you? How many
go through life trying to be what they feel others want them to be or expect of
them instead of being the person they truly want to be?
Another point to consider is that people who are on that
tightrope have to realize themselves how fragile they are and be willing to
seek help. However, getting help isn’t easy. The cost of healthcare is out of
control. What the medical profession puts people through does not help a person’s
mental state of mind. Then there are those who might think they are not really “sick,”
so why spend the money.
One of my big questions is: Is suicide really a mental
health issue? And usually, when people make those comments they’re kind of
saying it in a derogatory way, the way kids used to say years ago, “He’s a
retard,” almost insinuating that people like that should be locked away and
forgotten – let some “professional” deal with it. (I put professional in
quotation marks as a sign of sarcasm.)
And, are medications the answer? I’ve heard many say, “Oh, I
feel so much better since taking …,” and I’ve also heard the same comments from
people who take other drugs. “It makes me happy.” I’ve always questioned why
anyone needs to take drugs to be happy – and that could only be because I’ve
never wanted to do that. As I’ve never wanted tobacco or alcohol in my system.
(OK, I do have an occasional beer, glass of wine, or a rum drink.)
I’m not saying the medications are wrong, but with the
number of people on the drugs … I can’t help but wonder what purpose (or whose)
it’s really serving. Granted the people who are depressed are benefiting, but …
But then, there are people who really do have serious mental
health problems. There are people who need serious medications, and again,
sometimes getting help is near impossible. I once worked with a woman who was
diagnosed as bi-polar. She struggled horribly because the medical profession
could never get her drugs right. About a year later, she committed suicide
because she couldn’t take it anymore.
I don’t know. I don’t have the answers, of course. Instead
of medicating the problem, could we solve the issue or some of the issues? I
just can’t help thinking that with dialogue, listening to people
non-judgmentally and compassionately, and taking the time to talk before
someone reaches that desperation point that it would help. I feel the same
about this opioid epidemic. Instead of spending money on all these rehab places
and trying to save people who might not want to be saved, how do we stop the
problem before it begins?
This all said, I’m sure there has been all kinds of medical
research. But that’s on a medical point of view. What about the every-day
person? Those of us who dealing with every day life between self, family, and
friends.
In my quest to live whole-heartedly, there are times when I
struggle to balance disappointment and frustration with the beauty of life. I
believe that kind conversation is a key.
