On Being Old 5 Living with Pain

As I get older, pain, in one form another, seems to be an almost always companion. I’m stubborn about running to the doctor’s (haven’t been in over 30 years except for one time when I had strep throat. I ­nd other ways to deal like ibuprofen, Olbas salve, essential oils, ice, etc.) Pain issues may be one aspect of an older person becoming invisible. (Becoming invisible is a topic I’ll talk more on later.)

Pain forces me to stay home, keeping quiet so I don’t sound like a whiner while trying to suck it up and be brave. Also, I fi­nd it embarrassing and humiliating when out in public and struggling to stand without showing pain. However, I think we should be able to talk about these things. After all, it is part of life. We shouldn’t have to be ashamed of being old or feel like we’re being pushed aside or that we no longer serve a purpose. We shouldn’t have to suffer alone or be relegated to being with others just like us. (And don’t even ask me what I think of nursing homes – I’d rather be dead.)

There was a time when elders were appreciated and honored. Some days it’s almost easier to say what doesn’t hurt. I chalk it all up to getting old … except when I do something stupid, like tripping and falling. I’ve been lucky most my life with those types of things. I’ve always had good balance. However, if I’m not paying attention and hurrying …

Like in 2019 when I took a header out on my deck. It happened so fast; I didn’t have time to brace myself (probably a good thing). My foot caught while stepping up, and I fell flat on my stomach, and hard. I saw the deck coming up and can’t believe I didn’t smash my face. What saved me was my chest. The worse injury was to my right knee and foot. The skin in those areas still show bruised areas three years later.

Then, there was a fall last month. That time, though, it was because my foot sunk in mud up to my ankle. The only bruise then was to my ego for taking a short cut across a damp, new grass area of the lawn. Although, any kind of a fall causes some aches and soreness just from jarring the body when momentum suddenly ceases.

The most recent fall was Jan. 23. I’d gone out to shovel the front porch and steps. Coming back inside, my toe caught the stoop and down I went slamming my knee onto the floor (thank God for carpeting). My scream scared the daylights out of Tuli and Leo and the two kitties took off. Thankfully, my momentum carried me forward so the door closed on the snow still falling outside.

I knew enough to lie still for a few minutes mentally accessing the damage then slowly moving little by little. I contemplated how to get up before actually trying to do so. I believe taking this time, breathing and calming down, allows the body and mind to pull together. I eventually was able to stand. I had to use a cane to get around.

As I write this three days later, I am much better, but walking is still difficult. Getting out of bed is still the hardest, especially if Tuli is sleeping with me as I try to maneuver my leg around her.

One of my issues with dealing with bad knees, achy feet, etc., is being short. Now that I’m not able to lift my legs well, I tend to scuff. (Scuffing has always annoyed me and now I’m doing it.) This also means stairs are a major issue, and “building to code” with a 7-7 ½ inch rise makes steps difficult. Both the fall in 2019 and this recent one had to do with a single step up.

With stairs, I have to consider if my knee(s) will hold my weight with the movement as I step up or down. I lean or hold heavily on railings all the time. But now, I also need to consider my other foot when climbing stairs, the foot that might drag behind. This was my downfall (pun intended) on the 2019 fall and now this one. Guess I’m not as attentive on these single step-ups.

One of my goals when moving to this house was to set myself up for my older years. The builder I had insisted on the code for steps. This bothered me because we’re not a one-size-size-fi­ts-all people. What if code sizes don’t work for your personal safety … whether it’s age or body type?

Yes, I understand needs for families, but as an older woman, those rules don’t fi­t me. I need my home set up for my safety, yet all I kept hearing was about selling the house in the future. Hello, I’m living here now. I didn’t buy this house to turn around and sell it. I spent a lot of money making this house fi­t my needs. If, when I’m gone, the next owners need to make changes for their lifestyle, then they can do that.

A couple years ago, I had my back steps and steps to the garage rebuilt to suit movability with a shorter rise and wider tread. What a difference that made! I can easily go up and down these steps and the railings on both sides are sturdy for when I need the extra support. Making my living space work for me gives me peace of mind along with safety.