Refusing to Put Up with Put Downs

For most my life, I’ve been accused of being too sensitive. My feelings are hurt easily. Some of what people have said to me, I would NEVER say to them or anyone. So, I always try to be aware of what I say and how I say it because I wouldn’t want to hurt others like I’ve been hurt.

(Of course, these days with automated messaging, scam phone calls, begging letters and emails, and being asked to participate in a survey for almost every transaction I do, my self-rule flies out the window, and I totally sound-off at these people and/or machines.)

But when dealing with people themselves, I always intend to be kind and accepting. That doesn’t mean I have to believe what they do, but I allow them to have their own opinions. However, I don’t feel that’s always reciprocated.

I realized this morning that sometimes, supposedly well-meaning people, say something about me that feels more like an insinuated insult. I say “insinuated” because it isn’t an out and out insult, but it is a put-down. If I say something about what they said, they just call it a joke.

I wonder their intent. Do they really think they’re being funny when they put someone else down? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Is it an attempt to make you see things their way or as a way to make you behave differently?

Well, who’s the joke on? I’m not laughing when I feel slighted and hurt. Throughout my entire childhood and early adulthood, I put up with being made fun of. I often tried to go along with whatever everyone else was preaching while all the while I was pushing down/hiding who I really was... and being miserable about it. I didn’t know how to let myself be me because I was always trying to go along with whomever I was hanging around with at the time.

Now that I am much older and I’ve seen what goes on in the world and within mankind, I am no longer willing to put up with those slights, name-calling, and fault-finding of my character or beliefs. I’ve developed a strong sense of who I am, and what I now believe isn’t what someone else is parroting and trying to convince me is the true way. (Hey, think what you will, but I am no longer willing to listen others put me down!)

Of course, this has narrowed my contacts with others and so be it. It’s not in me to confront them. They have the right to believe what they wish. It’s not my job to try to “correct” someone of what they think. I’ve become more stubborn in my beliefs, and I’m pleased with how I have grown. I’m not going to go back to being a sheep and meekly following others! If there is mutual respect of conversations on subjects, then I’m fine with discussing points of view, but if someone is trying to make me feel I am wrong, then they can keep their comments to themselves.

There’s a difference between healthy debates/conversations and putting someone down because they have a different set of beliefs.

My response to negative comments is to not respond. I don’t need to defend myself against what others say or think of me. I am who I am, and I’m standing firm in my beliefs. This allows me to move on with my life. And yes, if it comes to something I need to change, then I will… but on my terms and for my wellbeing.