Living Alone in a Time of Social Distancing

I love living alone, so why am I struggling with the current situation? This morning, while watching the waters of the brook gushing along with leaps of whitewater as it crashes around and over rocks, I ponder these feelings taking over my well being.

Rain continues to fall soaking everything outside. The birdbaths are full … not that there are any birds around right now. My new under counter lights are turned on, along with the ones on top of the cabinets, which help make my kitchen not so gloomy.

I contemplate my mental melancholy, wondering why I feel this way. I wonder about people who are truly alone. How are they coping? Do they have family checking in on them? What about the older ones who relied on community programs for socializing and companionship?

Then I think, what do I have to complain about, really? Most the time, all I ever want is to write, do my art, take photos, cuddle my lovely Pele-kitty and the handsome Leo-cat, and go out in the yard for gardening in good weather. I have internet and phone, so I have people I can talk to and write to … and there’s TV to watch at night to escape from the every day.

I am fortunate, too, as my neighbor, Andy, comes over every day to check on me and help with things. He recently installed the new lights, put up the new back splash in the kitchen, and installed the new bidet seat on the toilet. He loves to cook and makes sure I eat. (I’m terrible when it comes to cooking and eating.)

So, why do I have these moments of deep sadness?

Part of it is the current events of the world which now affects us here at home. I feel the daily bombardment of the depressing news is a dark cloud smothering the earth. I can’t get away from it. (I’m way too much of an empath!) It’s everywhere and everyone is talking about it and is affected by it. People are panicking, hoarding, and some are preparing for an apocalypse.

We are being pushed farther and farther apart. For the most part, I understand the necessity, but it’s going to be playing havoc on us as human beings. We’re social creatures. We need touch. We need physical hugs. What’s going to happen to us as this continues? Can any of us really know? We can only do the best we can.

I don’t know if there are any real answers. I go back to thinking about living a wholehearted, creative life. For me, it means avoiding news. There are days when I feel I’ve heard too much, and I just want to grab a knife and slit my wrists. Not that I’d really do that. But it makes me understand how/why people reach a breaking point.

So, to prevent me from total meltdown, I won’t listen to news. I hide posts on FB. I won’t watch videos. In the evening, I cover up the corner of the TV where now almost every program is flashing some news about COVID-19 or about donations needed. I play music that brightens my moods … and I write and paint and read. I have a few people I email often and a couple I’ll call on the phone.

One challenge this week will be the need to get groceries. My legs give me problems these days – especially standing any length of time – which means the lines getting into the store and at the cash register will be torture, and I’ll suffer for a couple days afterwards. But I’ll do it, and I’ll get by. (Just hope I can get the items I need/want.)

I may like living alone, but I miss my weekly breakfasts with Nan, standing at the end of the driveway talking to neighbors, and having someone stop in for a quick chat. These little interactions are so important to me and help me not feel lonely.

That all said, I’ll do what I need to do to get by and continue to strive to live a wholehearted, creative life.