Doing What I Need to Get By

I was shown something on Facebook yesterday I really liked. Someone spray painted their flower urns with glow-in-the-dark paint, and after letting them sit in the sun, the pots glowed at night. I want to try that! 

But then I wonder, with the turn of events these days, do I want to be frivolous? Especially with talk of this lasting for months. I don't want to live in fear. I'm not afraid of getting sick. What scares me are the repercussions and the changes this will do to all our lives. 

All we can do is just keep doing the best we can and find little ways to keep our spirits up. Things to make us smile (like the goose photos I got the other day -- she is so funny!)

It's just so weird. I've lived alone for many years and never felt lonely. Now, I'm feeling some loneliness. Which is funny because it's not like I went out with others much ... just the once a week breakfast with Nan and an occasional other lunch. I guess it's one of those things when you CAN'T do it (go out), you want to, ha-ha.

My emotions have been all over the place these past few weeks. One worry is, how much is truth and things we need to know, and how much is scaremongering and media blowing things out of proportion? How much do we need to hear/read day after day, hour after hour? This is what exacerbates the fear and promotes panic. The constant barrage of the horror going on makes people’s emotions escalate which leads to many other problems.

Some people can deal with it and get right in the thick of things, are able to help and get fully involved. And that’s good! We need people who can do that.

But not everyone can handle these situations. It’s important to recognize when to be involved, or even keep up with the latest info, etc., but it’s also important to know when to back off. If you find yourself getting too overwrought, it’s time to back off.

For me, the constant influx of news depresses me to no end and cripples my creativity. Emotionally, I can’t handle all the negativity. I can’t. It makes me just want to cry ... and there have been a couple of days when I’m in tears half the day. I know that about me and accept it. That doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on or that I’m not being careful!

 I'm trying to figure out what it is I am feeling. I feel I'm on the edge of a sharp precipice. I don't dare look down to either side; both are equally devastating/depressing and looking can cause me to stumble and fall. All I can do is slowly, painfully, put one foot in front of the other and inch my way across. I can't even see what's ahead. It’s all a blur. I have to watch my footing -- life will (probably) be forever changed and perhaps no one can fully tell how this will all turn out.

I so hope normal life will return, but is that possible after a situation like this? I don't know if we can ever recover to what we were before. And maybe we won't know until this is all over. Can we make future plans when we don't know what this country, this world, will be like in even a couple months?

Oh, we'll get over this obstacle, but how will life be different? Can we ever go back to normal (if there ever was a real normal) after something like this affects the world? History shows people before us went through horrific times (wars, plagues, natural disasters, et.al.) Many survived, some didn't, but life went on. We're resilient. We're strong. We find ways to get by.  But how will (and how has) major world events changed people’s way of life? How will our lives be changed?

And can we even think about it right now? Maybe right now is only about getting by and doing the best we can. Help one another when we can while still being careful.

For me to continue living wholeheartedly, I need to look at what I need get through this. Living wholeheartedly means not allowing myself to fall into a pit of despair and worry which I can too easily do if I listen to all the stuff being yammered at us through the news networks and social media. And, it does get depressing when you listen to it constantly. Maybe for now, it's all about taking one day at a time and doing and being the best I can.

It's kinda funny. I finally reached a point in my life where I like where I am; I like me. (Yes, of course, there’s always room to improve.) My goal this year was to be happy and have more fun doing my writing, art, and gardening. I never thought there’d be this big monkey wrench thrown into life.

I guess I will stick to my mandate of "Creating beauty for myself, creates beauty for others." Plus, creating beauty makes ME feel better! I’ll make the yard look pretty when weather gets a little better, and in the meantime, I’ll continue to paint, write, and post photos on FB.