Fear and Wholehearted Living

I contemplate the growing ice changes in the brook. What was a slim layer allowing the dark color of the water show through a couple days ago is now thick, ridged white shelves formed around rocks and along the brook’s edges. I find it hard to stop looking. I’m fascinated by all the curves and textures.

I came across this blog I’d started awhile ago and decided to finish it. It’s still appropriate …

I was hit with such a huge wave of fear I started crying. It came from a culmination of all the negativity on Facebook and news reports on TV, radio, and in the papers. It came from trying to do the right thing and allow people’s freedom of speech and getting slammed for it because some people took offense. It came from the media pushing the panic button over everything and anything.

It’s a fear that people can’t say anything anymore without someone else taking offense and going off the deep end. Any little piece of information is too easily taken out of context and blown all out of proportion. Has a fear drug or something been put in the, air, water, or food making friends turn against friend and neighbor against neighbor? What happened to hearing more than one side of a story?

I sat here with tears falling feeling like I want to isolate myself even more. I want to build a moat around my house. I’m afraid to say anything for fear others are going to jump down my throat if my beliefs differ from theirs. I try to avoid the negativity, anger, and hate as much as I can, but it seeps in. It’s hard to get away from it when it’s all anyone talks about. I’m afraid with the escalating drug problems and violence we are doomed as a people. It’s like the world, and now this country, has gone crazy.

But through the tears and fears came thoughts and questions. Yes, part of this stirred up issues from the past; fears at being ridiculed as a kid, being put down and made to feel none of my opinions ever mattered, and that I was stupid. However, while those old fears were triggered, I am not there now, and this is different.

I used to feel safe, especially here in New Hampshire. All the really horrible stuff happened in other countries, or, at least, in the bigger cities like Boston, New York, or Los Angeles. I believed in the United States fairy tale we were the best, strongest, and right. That is not so much the case anymore and maybe it never was. There have always been issues.

I believed all the wars and really bad stuff happened elsewhere. We were safe here, for the most part. Perhaps I should admit we’ve not always been as good as our history books portray. Look what happened to Native Americans, for instance, and with slavery. And we’ve had our share of wars and conflicts. (But this will be another topic to cover.)

So, how can I look at this logically now that I am practicing wholehearted living?

The first thing I have to do is pull myself away from my initial reaction; do the “Sleep on it.” I can think more clearly once my emotions calm … and if it’s too upsetting and nothing really pertaining to me, I have to STOP thinking about it! (Sometimes very difficult to do.)

I need to know when to walk away, not allow myself to fall down the hole of despair. I ask people to change the subject and if they can’t, I leave. I refuse to buy into the hype; the what I feel is harassment by the media. I wall off the fear and build a virtual moat around myself and home.

I change my thinking by working on a project. I’ll do something physical like paint or go outside. I’ll write, read, talk to someone with whom I can discuss anything.

Living wholeheartedly calls me back into the balance, goodness and peace that comforts me.