The Quiet at Day's End

 

25-004 The Quiet at Day’s End 

 January 26 to April 18; 8 ¾ x 14 on BFK Rives white paper, finished painting is in a gold frame.

Reference photo, used with permission: Tara Holdner 24-3e. I loved the light in this scene. As always, my goal isn’t to replicate the photo exactly, just used as a reference to do my own creation.

Small initial charcoal sketch. (Photo 24-3221crs) I loved the light in this scene. I’d done the initial small sketch in December.

 

January 26: I taped paper to the sit-down easel and measured 8 ¾ x 14, then did a quick outline sketch with a fat piece of charcoal. I don’t like the weird upside-down boat in the original photo, so I sketched it as canoe. I used pan pastels to start laying in some under coloring.

 

February 9 and 10: Worked more sky and some reflections. Getting the colors smooth and whispy-edged clouds. Added a little to the tops of the trees on the far right to start getting the sky behind them. Then, a couple days later, I added more in the sky and water, darkened the mountains and the trees.

 

February 20: Moved this to the stand-up easel. Did a little more sky, adding more pinks, et al. Then I worked the mountain/tree line. It was difficult not making a mess in the sky. I used pencils afterwards for some negative painting. I next did the big trees on the rights.

 

I took soft blue to the watery areas, then used a charcoal pencil to redefine the foreground shoreline and the area under the trees and before the tree reflections.

Gave it a light spray to see if the fixative would keep off the loose dust in the air.

March 16: I let time get away from me even though I’d done a couple touches during the past couple weeks … but never made notes. Today, I reworked the sky adding more orange, pink, yellow, and white. I used the side of a pale blue to blend. Then I extended some hint of yellow and pink into the mountains to create the haze.

 I also used a brown to make that bit of dark in the water and a hint of darker blue to extend that line in an arc to the left. I added brown to the ground under the trees on the right, then added brown, rust, and green along the bottom to start giving the foreground color.

 April 10: Moved this to the sit-down easel. I worked the sky more, adding color. I put dark greens along the horizon tree line and added highlights to the back tree on the right. I redefined the boats, did some scribbles along the foreground.

 April 11: Went over the entire thing fixing it up. Then worked the foreground, then back into the water. I worked all over, and I’m just about done. Tried to walk away a few times, then would see something to fix. I feel I’m missing something.

April 15: Did more finessing. I signed it. Too much on my mind as it’s now summer guide time and I’m too busy to paint.

April 17: Of course, I saw some flaws and sat down for a couple minutes to fix. I defined the shoreline and the jutting out area on the right. I brightened the yellow, pink, and orange. Then I added some lighter green to the foreground grasses.

Shoot, even now I see things not quite right. Ugh. I’m not done.

April 18: Went at it again. Added more to the sky, outlined better and softened the shadow ridge along the right-side dark reflections, but spent most the time adding more depth and contrasts to the lower foreground. I pretty much touched all over. Had to re-do my signature. Hoping to call it finished.

Gave it a light spray with workable fixative – in an effort to not let the dust adhere.

 

 

 

 

 

Paying the Price for Getting What I Wished For

I wanted to be alone. I envisioned myself living alone. I needed to be alone to get a rest from taking care of Mum at the end of her life. I looked forward to being alone. I finally got my wish after she died, and it was an extremely heavy price to pay.

She loved me so much. I loved her so much, too, even though she was very controlling. It so totally broke my heart watching her decline and become helpless … and hopeless. It took a lot out of me. I felt I was losing me, hence why I dreamed of being alone.

My daily prayers for her are that she is finally getting a rest from always feeling she had to take care of us/me. I pray that every day she is happy, content and satisfied.

But, oh, I miss her so much. She needed a break from me, and I needed a break from her. I cannot think of her and not have tears. On one hand, I know I did the best I could, but there’s always the guilt I should have done more.

Yes, as she declined, everything fell on my shoulders. However, I managed, and while she could no longer help with anything, she was still present to give feedback or just be there with me.

Now, 14 years later (has it been that long?) I’ve had my time alone. Now, I AM lonely, and I’m feeling helpless and alone. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t deal with the pressures of life with taking care of everything alone. Today’s technology has me overwhelmed and frustrated, and yet, I don’t want to LIVE with anybody. I just don’t want to be alone …

These days, I’m losing it. “Mum, did you feel this way, too?” I’m lost and floundering. I’m not even sure what I want any more – just to do my art, but too much crap gets in the way and with everything on my shoulders, I’m such a wreck.

It’s my choice to live alone. Yes, I have had much guilt over this as I’ve isolated myself from family.

A Mystical Dawn

 

“Mystical Dawn”

  

 Finished and framed: 10 ½ x 19 ¾

 A neighbor posted a photo on Facebook in 2021 which I fell in love with. He’d given me permission to use a couple of his other photos for painting references. I always ask permission. 

The colors in the sky, the icy mysticism, scrubby landscape, and the reflections in the water had me speechless. I again asked permission. I was told he was in Maine, but his wife assured me he wouldn’t mind.

My emotions were at war with what I feel is ethical as the pull to do this as a painting screamed at me to paint the scene. The dilemma caused a lot of anxiety. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The scene and issue invaded my sleep. I don’t sell or promote the photo as my own; I only use them as inspiration, and I usually take artistic license to make changes to make the painting my own. Still, I love to give photo credit where due.

I couldn’t wait. I was so excited. I was sure he’d give permission. I couldn’t wait and jumped right into doing an initial charcoal drawing in a 6 x 9 sketchbook. However, when I got to the foreground, I had trouble discerning shoreline and the far banking. 

I also realized, at this point, the river bent towards the mountains and widened. The foreground tree makes it hard to see what the water is actually doing. So, after finishing the sketch, I edited more of the photo, printed 5 x 7s of the original edit and one in black and white, and two of cropped areas to better see details. 

Still, I was so excited about doing this, I couldn’t resist going to the next step for the actual painting. First came choosing the paper. I pulled out the pre-cut BFK Rives. I chose a 10 x 20 piece but decided 20 inches was too long. I shortened it with blue painter's tape, attaching it to an easel board.

                                   

Two years later, in looking through photos and beginnings of painting to decide what to do next, I came across it again and decided to do this for myself. I taped it to the standup easel, decided in wasn’t panoramic enough and used the blue tape to resize the paper to 8 ¾ x 14.

I used pan pastels to lay down the background colors. Next came pastel pencils to better define mountain lines and the brook, then a couple soft pastels to lay in more color. I decided on the title.

Funny, with all the types of pastels I have, I didn’t have the right shade of blue – and again another reason why I don’t follow photographs exactly. As I worked, I kept telling myself I needed to make the painting more vibrant.

A month later, I moved it to the sit-down easel to do closer work. Added brighter color, better defined mountains and added colors and layers. And yes, I added more to the sky. (I always go back over areas touching them up.) Then I worked lower and lower. I took a charcoal pencil and defined some of the horizontal lines, beginnings of bushes and some lower terrain.

Days passed. Sometimes I’d work on this, sometimes on other paintings. Another month went by. The more layers added, the harder to get sharper areas. I finally called it finished April 10, 2025.