I was having a good day yesterday. Sent off some Happy
Thanksgiving messages and spent almost two hours in the studio finishing the
current painting. (At least, I’m hoping it’s finished – I have to let it sit a
couple days.)
It was getting time to have lunch and I was just calling it
quits on the painting when I got a phone call. This was one of those times listening
on and on about God stuff and Satan taking over the world, and… Arrghhhh!
I let her talk because it makes her feel good. I know she’s
just telling her stories, sharing her beliefs, and this religious obsession
makes her happy. And this is fine for her and if it makes her happy, who am I
to discourage her... and I don’t want to discourage her. For me, though, I just
find it depressing and I fell into a hole emotionally. I listened without
saying much, (yes, I did talk about some of my stuff), but over an hour later
and by the time we hung up, I was totally depressed.
It was 2:30 p.m. I still needed to have my Thanksgiving meal
and I needed to do my painting progress writing and photo. My productive day
slid downhill.
Suddenly, I felt a Presence at my left shoulder; a shadowy blob,
and even though it was a dark, almost-palpable presence, there was a God-like
feel to it. But why wasn’t it a white light? (Which I’ve felt and seen before,
but I think this was because it was a more, almost solid-like presence and He wanted to be almost physically felt.)
I immediately went into an apologetic mode, but I realized,
too, I also get defensive. (Present tense with “get” because it dawned on me,
whenever I do feel a spiritual presence, I get defensive. It’s never the right
time, I’m too busy, I don’t want to be scared… oh, I have excuses…)
Other times it has felt like different spirits, muses, etc.,
which sometimes feel male, female, or genderless, but yesterday, this was GOD!
(And this definitely felt male, although I believe there is no real gender in
the spirit world.) And with my apologies were my defending my beliefs against
the man-created religion and not against HIM. And I didn’t want to hear I am
wrong because something deep inside keeps telling me I’m not.
It was like I could feel Him smile and a warm ethereal hand was
laid on my shoulder, then caressed the side of my face. I felt/heard a gentle “It’s
OK. You’re OK.” It felt like I was given a comforting hug. He didn’t make me
feel I was wrong and had to change my ways.
But I was still too much in my mind; my defense at what I
believe, and having religious opinions shoved down my throat. I have my views
of mankind and what history has shown, and all that. There are those of us who
walk our own paths… and He allows that… after all, he gave us brains to think
and reason. If He wanted us all to just be sheep, He would have given all of us
sheep brains.
The Presence faded away, but I was left with a feeling He
understands and He’s waiting for me with open arms when my time comes.
Tears fill my eyes as I write this. Yes, I’ve felt spirits
before, but this was the first time I’ve ever felt it was really God. Does it
change my beliefs? No. Do I feel this is the Christian God? Hmmm… I don’t know
as I don’t really know that much about other religions.
I believe Jesus did come, but there were religions and gods
way before him. And the way man distorts and uses concepts to control people…
Maybe we’ll never know the real truth until our time comes. With so many thousands
of years of history, how can anyone determine the real truth, anyway. How much
of it is propaganda? Maybe the truth is in our individual beliefs (or group
beliefs).
I believe God/spirit does “talk” and come to people. And
maybe he sends angels, muses, and other spirits to also help. We all have
dreams and visions. Are they interpreted to do good or to control the “flock.”
In my apology, I told Him I don’t want to be in a flock or
herd. He smiled. He understood. I AM OK.
It was after 3 p.m. by the time I heated up my dinner… and
yes, I stuffed myself. It was a very good meal. (But by that time, it was too
late to get the progress work done on my painting.)
So, this Thanksgiving, I was given something very special to
be thankful for.
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