The Quiet at Day's End

 

25-004 The Quiet at Day’s End 

 January 26 to April 18; 8 ¾ x 14 on BFK Rives white paper, finished painting is in a gold frame.

Reference photo, used with permission: Tara Holdner 24-3e. I loved the light in this scene. As always, my goal isn’t to replicate the photo exactly, just used as a reference to do my own creation.

Small initial charcoal sketch. (Photo 24-3221crs) I loved the light in this scene. I’d done the initial small sketch in December.

 

January 26: I taped paper to the sit-down easel and measured 8 ¾ x 14, then did a quick outline sketch with a fat piece of charcoal. I don’t like the weird upside-down boat in the original photo, so I sketched it as canoe. I used pan pastels to start laying in some under coloring.

 

February 9 and 10: Worked more sky and some reflections. Getting the colors smooth and whispy-edged clouds. Added a little to the tops of the trees on the far right to start getting the sky behind them. Then, a couple days later, I added more in the sky and water, darkened the mountains and the trees.

 

February 20: Moved this to the stand-up easel. Did a little more sky, adding more pinks, et al. Then I worked the mountain/tree line. It was difficult not making a mess in the sky. I used pencils afterwards for some negative painting. I next did the big trees on the rights.

 

I took soft blue to the watery areas, then used a charcoal pencil to redefine the foreground shoreline and the area under the trees and before the tree reflections.

Gave it a light spray to see if the fixative would keep off the loose dust in the air.

March 16: I let time get away from me even though I’d done a couple touches during the past couple weeks … but never made notes. Today, I reworked the sky adding more orange, pink, yellow, and white. I used the side of a pale blue to blend. Then I extended some hint of yellow and pink into the mountains to create the haze.

 I also used a brown to make that bit of dark in the water and a hint of darker blue to extend that line in an arc to the left. I added brown to the ground under the trees on the right, then added brown, rust, and green along the bottom to start giving the foreground color.

 April 10: Moved this to the sit-down easel. I worked the sky more, adding color. I put dark greens along the horizon tree line and added highlights to the back tree on the right. I redefined the boats, did some scribbles along the foreground.

 April 11: Went over the entire thing fixing it up. Then worked the foreground, then back into the water. I worked all over, and I’m just about done. Tried to walk away a few times, then would see something to fix. I feel I’m missing something.

April 15: Did more finessing. I signed it. Too much on my mind as it’s now summer guide time and I’m too busy to paint.

April 17: Of course, I saw some flaws and sat down for a couple minutes to fix. I defined the shoreline and the jutting out area on the right. I brightened the yellow, pink, and orange. Then I added some lighter green to the foreground grasses.

Shoot, even now I see things not quite right. Ugh. I’m not done.

April 18: Went at it again. Added more to the sky, outlined better and softened the shadow ridge along the right-side dark reflections, but spent most the time adding more depth and contrasts to the lower foreground. I pretty much touched all over. Had to re-do my signature. Hoping to call it finished.

Gave it a light spray with workable fixative – in an effort to not let the dust adhere.

 

 

 

 

 

Paying the Price for Getting What I Wished For

I wanted to be alone. I envisioned myself living alone. I needed to be alone to get a rest from taking care of Mum at the end of her life. I looked forward to being alone. I finally got my wish after she died, and it was an extremely heavy price to pay.

She loved me so much. I loved her so much, too, even though she was very controlling. It so totally broke my heart watching her decline and become helpless … and hopeless. It took a lot out of me. I felt I was losing me, hence why I dreamed of being alone.

My daily prayers for her are that she is finally getting a rest from always feeling she had to take care of us/me. I pray that every day she is happy, content and satisfied.

But, oh, I miss her so much. She needed a break from me, and I needed a break from her. I cannot think of her and not have tears. On one hand, I know I did the best I could, but there’s always the guilt I should have done more.

Yes, as she declined, everything fell on my shoulders. However, I managed, and while she could no longer help with anything, she was still present to give feedback or just be there with me.

Now, 14 years later (has it been that long?) I’ve had my time alone. Now, I AM lonely, and I’m feeling helpless and alone. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t deal with the pressures of life with taking care of everything alone. Today’s technology has me overwhelmed and frustrated, and yet, I don’t want to LIVE with anybody. I just don’t want to be alone …

These days, I’m losing it. “Mum, did you feel this way, too?” I’m lost and floundering. I’m not even sure what I want any more – just to do my art, but too much crap gets in the way and with everything on my shoulders, I’m such a wreck.

It’s my choice to live alone. Yes, I have had much guilt over this as I’ve isolated myself from family.

A Mystical Dawn

 

“Mystical Dawn”

  

 Finished and framed: 10 ½ x 19 ¾

 A neighbor posted a photo on Facebook in 2021 which I fell in love with. He’d given me permission to use a couple of his other photos for painting references. I always ask permission. 

The colors in the sky, the icy mysticism, scrubby landscape, and the reflections in the water had me speechless. I again asked permission. I was told he was in Maine, but his wife assured me he wouldn’t mind.

My emotions were at war with what I feel is ethical as the pull to do this as a painting screamed at me to paint the scene. The dilemma caused a lot of anxiety. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The scene and issue invaded my sleep. I don’t sell or promote the photo as my own; I only use them as inspiration, and I usually take artistic license to make changes to make the painting my own. Still, I love to give photo credit where due.

I couldn’t wait. I was so excited. I was sure he’d give permission. I couldn’t wait and jumped right into doing an initial charcoal drawing in a 6 x 9 sketchbook. However, when I got to the foreground, I had trouble discerning shoreline and the far banking. 

I also realized, at this point, the river bent towards the mountains and widened. The foreground tree makes it hard to see what the water is actually doing. So, after finishing the sketch, I edited more of the photo, printed 5 x 7s of the original edit and one in black and white, and two of cropped areas to better see details. 

Still, I was so excited about doing this, I couldn’t resist going to the next step for the actual painting. First came choosing the paper. I pulled out the pre-cut BFK Rives. I chose a 10 x 20 piece but decided 20 inches was too long. I shortened it with blue painter's tape, attaching it to an easel board.

                                   

Two years later, in looking through photos and beginnings of painting to decide what to do next, I came across it again and decided to do this for myself. I taped it to the standup easel, decided in wasn’t panoramic enough and used the blue tape to resize the paper to 8 ¾ x 14.

I used pan pastels to lay down the background colors. Next came pastel pencils to better define mountain lines and the brook, then a couple soft pastels to lay in more color. I decided on the title.

Funny, with all the types of pastels I have, I didn’t have the right shade of blue – and again another reason why I don’t follow photographs exactly. As I worked, I kept telling myself I needed to make the painting more vibrant.

A month later, I moved it to the sit-down easel to do closer work. Added brighter color, better defined mountains and added colors and layers. And yes, I added more to the sky. (I always go back over areas touching them up.) Then I worked lower and lower. I took a charcoal pencil and defined some of the horizontal lines, beginnings of bushes and some lower terrain.

Days passed. Sometimes I’d work on this, sometimes on other paintings. Another month went by. The more layers added, the harder to get sharper areas. I finally called it finished April 10, 2025.

 

Morning After the Storm

 

 

9 ¼ x 14 pastel painting on BFK Rives paper

Jan. 20-Feb. 20, 2025

Again, a friend posted and gave me permission to use her photo as a reference. The sun on the trees in the background, the curve of the river, and the blues of the scene in the foreground called for me to see what I can do with this. Trying to pick out a focal point is a challenge. My eye is drawn to many aspects of the scene.

I taped a sheet of 10 x 14 ½ paper to the sit-down easel and used a charcoal pencil to start putting in shapes. Then I used vine charcoal to sketch in some of the trees. After going back and forth a couple times, I changed the size to 9 ¼ x 14 and added beginning color. 

One of my issues is getting what I call the horizontals right when I’m doing the initial work freehand between the reference photo and the painting. I’ve even tried marking off thirds and I still get confused. Then again, I’m not trying to replicate the photo. It’s just for reference.

I struggle getting whites to stay white because the darker pastel dust flies around. And, so often, when I start to walk away, I’ll look back and see something to fix.

The work continued with layering and defining specific areas. I added to the water with dark blue, a lighter turquoise, and some black (in the two dark pools on the right.) I made ripples, shadows, and reflections in water and ice. I also added more orange for brightness in the trees.

 

I was stunned and pleased how the center area water looked shiny… like water should. I need to stay more on top of these things.

By Feb. 18, it was all about the detail. I struggled with the two dark open-water oval pools on the right. I put in more orange in the sunlit trees, used various shades of blue pastels and a charcoal pencil on more defined lines and trees. I signed it. Is it done?

 Of course, a couple days later, I picked at it a little more and finally called it finished for sure.

Original photograph taken by Tara Holdner and used with permission .

 

25-001 Looking Up

 

Looking Up

Dec. 12, 2024, to Jan. 23, 2025

6 ¾ x 11 ¼ inches on black BFK Rives paper

 This is Mika. She was given to me on the late afternoon of Aug. 29, 2024. I wanted a sister for my kitty, Tuli. New kitty’s name was Mickey, but I changed it to Mika, a shortened version of Mielicki, goddess of change, providence and forests.

She didn’t come out of hiding for weeks. Then, I’d only catch glimpses of her. Eventually, I’d see her enough to get a few photos, but she wouldn’t let me get close.

What a challenge when I sooo wanted to pet and cuddle her. But I was patient. She is so darn adorable! I had to try to paint her, chose a photo and did a tracing of her outline and face. (I trace pets to make sure I capture their facial expressions which I don’t feel confident doing freehand.)

Finally, on Jan. 29, 2025, after being here 151 nights, she finally put her nose to my finger and let me touch her. It was a fleeting touch, but as weeks went on, she slowly came out more and I was able to touch her more (a little more, and I do mean little) though not every day.

I started the actual painting itself on Jan. 7.

 

I used pan pastel for the background color. A few days later, I went back in the studio and added a little brown to the background, so it wasn’t so glaring. I started the eyes and added a little fur texture.

The black fur was quite a challenge. I had to figure out how to add layers to the black fur to show highlights and not just be big, black blobs. Maybe a little brown, charcoal, and dark blue.

 

Subsequent days had me using pastel pencils to better shape nose, chin areas and whiskers. I reworked the eyes, too. I used soft pastels in many areas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Term "... All Mean are Created Equal..." is a farce

The Preamble to the Declaration of Independence states “… that all men are created equal…,” and many Americans have held to that belief. But what does the term “created equal” really mean? Is being conceived and born the only real “created equal” part? Is it because everyone has opportunities? But are the opportunities the same for everyone?

The term has been bandied around for years, but are we really equal, except that we are human beings? Life is not equal. Sure, everyone has opportunities, but how accessible are they and to whom?

There are many factors that play a part in how a person develops. The type of family they were born into, education and where they’re raised play a big part sometimes. Then there are their own personalities which help determine the type of person someone becomes. There’s that something deep within the person that plays a big part in who they are, too.

The family we are born into helps determine who/what we become. Those in more affluent families have easier and better opportunities to life than those born in poorer families. Where a person lives also plays a part in the growth of that person.

Yes, there have been many from poor families who have climbed the ranks to be successful. And there are those born to wealthy families who turn to debauchery and crime. Who and what a person becomes comes about from things inside them, family influences, education (academic and life experience).

Is the term “created equal” an excuse, a set up for deception and misinterpretation? Who determines the terms? The wealthy elite and leaders who make laws to protect themselves and their cronies? Then the concept is told over and over to get people to believe, and when enough people repeat it, it must be true, right?

I don’t want to conform. I don’t want to “suck it up” and just “accept” because everyone says so. I don’t want to jump on popular bandwagons and follow every new popular person out there spouting how they think everyone should be while they themselves make exorbitant salaries, live in gated communities and not have to deal with what everyday taxpayers have to put up with. Taxpayers have become (have always been) slaves to the wealthy elite and leaders.

Watching shows and reading history books, I see it is what it is, somewhat. It’s been this way through millennia. The elite get away with whatever they want until there’s a total breakdown in society to cause their downfall. But then another contingency rises up, becomes the new elite and it begins all over again. In some aspects, history never changes because mankind will always have their humanness.

And the masses continue to believe the false promises that sound oh, so good. But those promises are only words to get votes and people to follow. People believe the pretty words that make them feel hopeful and don’t notice what is really going on. People hold on to the belief that their leaders will do what they promise… but how many leaders do?

Journey Between an Artist and a Painting: Part I

 

“Long Road Through the Winter Blues”

 Pastel painting, 11 ½ x 15 ¼ framed.

Tara Holdner posted this photo. The road winding between snowbanks towards the forest and mountain immediately captured my attention. My mind was already imagining what I could do with this scene. I asked and received permission to use it for a painting reference. I always like to give acknowledgement to the person who took the original photo.

I usually prefer to do landscapes in a more horizontal orientation, so I re-edited the photo and printed it as so. My goal is not to replicate the photo, just use it as a reference. I always put my own spin on the scenes.

This is is the initial small 6 x 9 sketch I did at the kitchen table. Then, in the studio, when I re-drew the layout onto a sheet of BFK Rives paper taped to an easel, I revamped the composition a bit. I can only work so long as my arm hurts raising it to paint, which means I work in small stints.

Progress is made over the next week as I first concentrated on the sky, clouds, and mountains. I used many shades of blue and darker details using a black charcoal pencil.

I often struggle with titles. Some ideas that came to me included: “Winter Becomes Her,” “She Becomes Winter,” or “Winter Blues” (as I was just listening to Elton John’s “I Think That’s Why They Call it the Blues.” Then changed it to “Winter’s Beautiful Blues.” Still unsure… “Winter Sings the Blues…” But what about the road? Should there be some reference to the road? “Road through the Blues?” “Long Road through the Blues?”

I try to also let the picture tell me which direction to choose, but sometimes I still can’t decide and will ask for ideas when I post the progress on FB. People always suggest wonderful titles, but then I have to decide which one really fits the scene and how it resonates with me.

I’m always amazed at the struggles. Each painting has its quirks and challenges. I played around with nuances in snowbanks and hills. I added ridge details to the mountains and did more with tree lines. I added a different shade of blue to some of the trees.

The hardest part was the foreground and the snowbanks along the road. This was my first time doing these kinds of snowbanks... a real experiment figuring out how to get that to look real. I reshaped the road a bit, too.

I also debated how to blur the mountains and background trees to help create distance. I chose not to put in the building that was in the original photo.

 But there comes a time when I have to stop picking at it and call it done. Heck, every time I look, I can see something to “fix.” In the end, I was very pleased with how this came out.