Decline of civilization as we know it

While sitting in the car waiting for a friend at his doctor’s appointment, I decided to meditate. I was just settling into it, when I had one of those word flow episodes and took out my book and began writing.

How do people learn to stay kind and respectful if leaders, officials, and corporations (including the medical profession) do not treat people with respect? The terms “We the People” and “good customer service” mean nothing nowadays.

How do people stay compassionate when their leaders are bullying one another horribly and showing no respect for anyone?

What’s that teaching kids? To bully those they disagree with and show no respect or compassion? What are they learning? To let machines do their thinking for them? “Press this number,” “click this button” is all they’re learning to do. Listen to some machine giving their only options?

What kind of leaders will they grow up to become when all they’re learning is how to say, “Baaa?” Technology and automation are taking away people’s abilities to question or have a say. It’s either go along with it or don’t have the services.

I know, some parents are still teaching their kids manners. But education now has also become veered away from teaching kids how to live productive lives. It’s now about becoming sheep, be good doobies doing what you’re told. Do not think for yourself. Go along with the masses.

Everyone is being brainwashed all the time. When things are repeated over and over and over, it starts getting ingrained whether it’s right or wrong. Hype, commercials drilled into your head repeatedly, and even celebrities becoming so full of themselves, they’re telling you what you should believe and do.

What are people being taught as huge corporations buy up other businesses getting huger, wealthier, and more controlling? Consumer choices become limited, prices continue to rise astronomically, then supplies are restricted to control and further increase costs for the corporations.

Even local services like fuels, electric, water companies (such as Poland Springs and Vermont Pure) and TV/phone and such are out of control. Oh, they may offer all kinds of special programs – but, for instance, why do I have to pay and exorbitant cost for 120 TV channels when I only watch half a dozen? It’s all manipulation … and the corporations get richer. And the wealthy don’t have to worry about any of this.

Goodness, the song “In the Year 2525,” recorded by Zager and Evans in 1969 is coming true today. Check the lyrics. I doubt we’re going to make it to 2525.

Propaganda: How We’ve Been and are Being Manipulated

Propaganda definitions include:

“… information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view.”

“… the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person.”

“… ideas, facts, or allegations spread deliberately to further one's cause or to damage an opposing cause.”

Wikipedia says: “A wide range of materials and media are used for conveying propaganda messages, which changed as new technologies were invented, including paintings, cartoons, posters, pamphlets, films, radio shows, TV shows, and websites. More recently, the digital age has given rise to new ways of disseminating propaganda, for example, bots and algorithms are currently being used to create computational propaganda and fake or biased news and spread it on social media.”

Basically, it’s manipulation using words, lies, and pretty promises to get people on your side. Governments and big businesses use propaganda in their speeches and advertising all the time. And it’s gone on for centuries.

I first heard about propaganda when it was referred to Hitler and the Nazis. At the time, I didn’t realize that every government for centuries have used it. After all, it’s how they got the masses to believe in them and support them.

 Lies are used to get people on board with what officials want. “Tell people what they want to hear” and they’ll follow you anywhere. Promise them free stuff and they’ll follow you faster.

 So, it’s important to think about what you’re hearing. Yes, it may sound good, but can they really do/provide what they promise? And there’s that old adage: “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” So, don’t give in to what you want to hear.

Leaders will lie about anything to get your support. And most of them have others writing their speeches for them, so the words coming out of their mouths might not even be what they fully believe. It’s just all about getting your vote, and they’ll say and promise anything to get it.

Key factors to consider are: Do the politicians and officials have to live by the same rules they dictate to you? How many laws are passed to “protect” those in office or position – protection the everyday citizen doesn’t get? And what about politicians getting monies from big businesses to pay for their campaigns? Then they have to dance to the corporations who supported them.

Then there’s the repetition. We learn by repetition. So, if we’re told something over and over and over, when do we start believing it – even if it isn’t true? And hey, if these rich, important people are saying it, it must be true, isn’t it?

It was one thing many years ago before people were educated. People had to believe what they were told. They really didn’t know any better. But now, there’s a lot of information out there. Unfortunately, it’s hard to weed through it all to know what is fact and what is snake-oil selling.

 

What is Real Liberty?

I looked up a couple of definitions:

“Freedom from arbitrary and unreasonable restraint upon an individual. Freedom from restraint refers to more than just physical restraint, but also the freedom to act according to one's own will.

“The freedom to live as you wish or go where you want: For most citizens, liberty means the freedom to practice their religious or political beliefs.”

 “The quality or state of being free:

a: the power to do as one pleases

b: freedom from physical restraint

c: freedom from arbitrary or despotic control

d: the positive enjoyment of various social, political, or economic rights and privileges

e: the power of choice”

How much of that really fits the everyday U.S. citizen? Do these ideals only pertain to the wealthy and the elite?

I certainly don’t feel much freedom these days. The cost of living is exorbitant. I feel more and more chains and leashes are put on us from laws and government to the way we’re controlled by Big Pharma and huge corporations. (Don’t even get me started on the medical profession. What a joke that is now! It’s no longer about helping people be healthy. It’s often said, “They don’t make money off healthy people.”)

Then, more and more, we’re being forced to shop online and having to jump through all kinds of hoops dealing with that. In physical stores, there are often empty shelves. And all this has opened the doors to more scams, thefts, and illegal activities.

Making phone calls has turned into a total nightmare with the robo-gauntlet of a myriad of pre-recorded questions, the upselling in between, and being put on hold. And they keep saying how important your call is to them. Yeah, like the really care about you. What a joke. Then half the time, the real person who finally answers the phone can’t give you reasonable information. And they call this good customer service.

Good customer service, like other words and phrases bandied about these days, have become meaningless words whose definitions are totally opposite than what they originally intended.

Transparency is another one of those words. Every time I hear that word, I’m wondering what they’re hiding.

As in other civilizations, there is a vast division between the wealthy elite and the poor with the middle-class taxpayers falling closer and closer to the poor side, especially the elderly. The noose tightens.

  

Dealing with Feelings of Guilt

Why do some people feel they should be given things and do nothing in return? I try to put myself in that spot and struggle with it. I’d feel so horribly guilty. Yes, I know, feeling guilty is one of those emotions that bring you down. Have I suffered some aspects of guilt for a good part of my life?

What do I feel guilty about? And how do I turn it around.

1.)  Not appreciating my mother enough while she was alive. (Well, this is only partially true – I think it’s my own guilt why I make that statement.)

Oh, I have lots to say about my Mum, most of it positive. I love her soooo much, even though she’s no longer with me. But, towards the end of her life, I was frustrated. The most horrible is feeling guilty that I didn’t take care of her well enough in the end; that I let her go instead of giving her the care she craved. But I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t give her what she wanted and needed. I know that logically, but deep down will always be the guilt I didn’t do enough.

All my life, she did so much for me. She was always bailing me out when I was stupid about finances and overspent. Yes, she could be very critical and quick to find faults. But one thing I recognize now in her, of which I have a similar streak, is that she often made her own paths. I hadn’t noticed that when I was much younger.

Our similarities are in walking individual trails. Yes, there are family and friends, but I feel we have been different from most others. Heck, who taught me to be at peace in the woods? Who taught me not to be afraid while out by myself walking old trails? Who showed me it was OK to be solitary (though it was never specifically mentioned)?

What happened years later, especially after Margaret, her twin, went to a nursing home, was I felt Mum was trying to live through me. She got very controlling. Even when I was in my 50s, I felt I had to get her permission to do anything or go anywhere. Anything she disapproved of, I’d get the “attitude” and feel her disappointment. That made me pull away.

2.)  Not being a good mother – because I’ve not been the type of mother/grandmother that so many other women are.

But is a lot of my guilt just because I am not like most others? I’ve been trying to describe and figure this out for years.

There has just been something inside me that couldn’t be this other kind of person – the kind of person others seemed to have expected of me. Or even as I expected of myself from witnessing how others were. But I just never could not be that way.

3.)  Not being able to stay involved in groups or even wanting many of the things other people want. Something in me always took me more along solitary paths. It wasn’t that I didn’t try. I’d get bored or frustrated or other aspects of life took me in other directions.

4.)  Not feeling I give as good as I receive. And where money is concerned, I’ve always had issues …

Yet, there’s something within that makes me want to give as I receive. Even in that desire, though, I struggle. As long as I have money to pay for things, there’s the exchange. But what happens when there is no money? Or if I feel what I’m being charged isn’t worth it. As I get older, it’s something I worry about. Especially as many things I am unable to do, I have to hire someone to do for me.

I continue on to walk my own path, become strong in who I am, and do what I CAN do.

 

 

Part 1 -- Cry the Lone Wolf; An interesting life

 

I believe everyone has an interesting life. We don’t have to be rich or famous to have stories to tell. I started journaling in 1977 when I took a creative writing class at Northern Essex Community College, and, as of this year, I have now written 200 books about my life. The first ones were just a few pages, but later, I began writing almost every day. And yes, there are a lot of boring tales … but there are exciting ones, too.

I turned 70 years old this year and I’ve been contemplating writing my life story, picking out the interesting aspects of my life. Julia Cameron, author of “The Artist’s Way,” calls journaling “morning pages.” She said to write every day but to never go back and reread them … and I hadn’t.

But now, in contemplating telling my story, I decided to look back. Are there differences between what I think I remember and what I experienced in reality? I know how I feel about my past, but are my memories correct? 

For the most part, I feel a good part of my life was spent being miserable and unhappy. Yet, there were some wonderful times. I haven’t been a total loser; I’m not a loser at all, really. My mother once said she didn’t know why I was sad. She said I always seemed like a happy child. 

I don’t remember being happy much – but that’s not true, either. I know I had happy times. My happy place was wandering the woods, playing in the brooks, exploring old trails, just being out in nature… alone for the most part. 

So now, my goal is to search for the gold of my life. What have I learned? What has made me who I am today? In telling my tales will I discover I really am worthy? 

I’ve spent this week looking through the first few books. Holy crap, I was a miserable git by 1977. (Stories of earlier years will have to be pulled from memory or from looking at old photos.)

One surprising element was how much I did, how many classes and seminars I took while working a fulltime job and raising two kids. There were many side jobs with trying to sell various products. I got involved in various groups. I’d forgotten how many awesome things I did do. 

Now the task is to pull this all together. Goodness, I’ve been writing for most of my life. I’ve written thousands of poems (no exaggeration), some short stories, essays, et. al. Art has also been a big part of my life. 

So, how do I start? I began a timeline by year and making notes for each year looking through those first journals. It seems weird to start when I was in my 20s. Maybe I need to dig into childhood memories to create the base of where I came, how I developed, which leads to who I am today … and why.

I need to focus and take one step at a time.

On Being a Writer Part 1

How I became a writer

I wrote a story in a high school creative writing class. I can’t even remember what it was about, but because of how it was received and commented on, it sparked something in me. Of course, at the time, I didn’t pursue writing because I got pregnant, married and had to work while raising a couple kids.

A few years later, I took a couple creative writing classes at Northern Essex Community College. I still have journals started from back then and a story, “Sarah,” which I wrote for the final exam from which the instructor said was the highest grade in the class. Again, I don’t remember much, but that class also started the journaling which many years later became morning pages after reading Julia Cameron’s “The Artists Way.”

Stories. We all have them about our lives. Much is mundane, but there are moments of inspiration and interesting happenings that deserve to be shared, talked about. There needs to be a mining for the gold that’s deep within all of us; the nuggets that make us unique, tell our individual stories. How do I do that? How do I get past all the crying and sadness to pull out those important nuggets?

Then I wonder how can I continue writing and be a painter at the same time? Too many times I shut the creative muses down – one or the other or both. Sometimes squashing one creative spark shuts them all down. And sometimes life itself gets in the way of creativity and pulls the rug out from under me leaving me a collapsed wreck.

So, after reading the first couple of journals from the late ‘70s, when I was in my 20s, I ask myself if I want to continue. I’ve been writing almost every morning all these years. Will it just make me more depressed? But there are many good points in amongst all the angst.

There are nuggets to be mined; lessons learned. I’ve had an interesting life because I’ve not towed the line and become part of a flock. Oh, I made attempts to join groups and such, even became a Christian for a number of years, which brought ridicule from family.

Now, I sit here trying to look back though the past to figure out why I am the way I am … and to stand strong in the woman I am.

Being Stubborn on my Less Traveled Path

I write every day, telling my story, talking about life. There’s something in me that says if I write it all down, it’ll prove I don’t just sit around doing nothing. Thinking- work (contemplation) is as much a part of life as physical work.

I keep track of times, not perfectly, but it gives an insight into my days. Recording thoughts and actions is kind of a way of proving I was here, and I’ve lived an interesting life (at least, to me).  Yes, there is the mundane and the repetitions, but sometimes, something insightful comes out of my ruminations.

I feel sad. As with many things I am recognizing about my life is that no one else really cares. I feel that everything in my life and this house are things only I care about. There is nothing here no one else would want. The half a dozen books half written and the three written but that’s as far as I’ve gone … (My mother’s voice echoes from the past: “You never finish anything.”) No one will ever read my journals, poems, or manuscripts. I AM the only one who cares.

My paintings pile up around the house. I just don’t have it in me any more to run them around to different art shows or set up at exhibitions. But I won’t stop painting or writing.

I’ve led an interesting life, a different life. There have been many lessons, but I’ve pretty much forged my own path; even when I didn’t realize I was doing so.  Now I see I’ve been slogging along mostly off the beaten paths. Oh, I’ve occasionally jumped on one band wagon or another, but never for long. I am not a follower.

I take the paths less traveled, sometimes hacking through brush and undergrowth. Stand in one spot too long and the vines will wrap around feet, wind up, and eventually strangle you. Gotta keep moving.

But these days, with stiffening limbs and pain, the physicalness is getting harder. I wonder about end-of-life and being less mobile. Does that make me think and worry even more? There’s another lesson in here somewhere.

Perhaps it’s part of letting go. Stop worrying about things I have no control over. And if I have no control over it, I don’t want to see or hear about it. Yes, conversations are good, but to have crap shoved in your face every day, stuff you don’t care about …

As I keep saying, I feel hounded and harassed. And I refuse to join in. I WILL continue to walk my own path! (And when I can’t get around anymore, I’ll want to be done.)