Unable to go the Last Mile

Wanting my paintings to sell but not having the energy to set up at shows and run all around…

I’m having a dilemma with my paintings – the cost of getting them framed and not having them sell. If I’m not showing and selling, I’m wasting money… which I really can’t afford. But I don’t have the energy, stamina, and the wherewithal to go that last mile of setting up at shows, running around delivering, etc. Not at this age and having to do it alone.

My paintings look much more stunning double matted and framed, but it’s wasted money when the paintings don’t sell. I only have so much room on my walls. Last year I had a few sales, but this year is dismal even though I’ve participated in half a dozen shows.

It’s the same thing with my books. I get them written, then stall in the end. My brain just won’t wrap around the expense of publishing and all the effort of marketing. It’s heartbreaking. I could cry just thinking about having to do all that. I put so much into these efforts then I can’t mentally and emotionally deal with marketing – making deals, finding the best venues, doing the legwork, not knowing who to trust, etc.

It eats at me emotionally, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I love most of my paintings and the books I have written. To think that it’ll all be trashed when I die is so sad, but then, I’m the only one who cares about it all. I’d love to sell, but the creative drive to produce is what makes me feel alive whereas the marketing aspects crush me.

When I moved here to this house in 2015, I threw away a lot of older charcoal landscape drawings – matted and framed – which meant a lot of money was lost. It still bothers me, but I just don’t have the room to store a lot of paintings. I try not to think about it. My heart still aches over it, though. So much hard work thrown in a dumpster. Heartbreaking.

The call to create makes me feel alive – painting and writing. It takes up a lot of my time, especially mentally. My mind is on fire… until the flames burn out, and when that happens, I’m drained. I pour it all into the colors and words, then I’m done until the next day when the fire ignites again.

I’m kind of at a loss on how to handle this. I can’t not paint and write. It’s who I am. And, as long as I’m doing a few shows a year, I have to mat and frame. Maybe I shouldn’t mat. Not all pastel artists do. But the paintings look so good matted…

Oh, the dilemma. Maybe I should try a couple not matted and see how it goes.