Happy New Year!
Yesterday, in finishing up the 2019 year-end accounting, I
came across my lists of past New Year’s resolutions/intentions which I’d begun
in 2009. I didn’t write one for 2019 because I didn’t want to do a list of
things that might not come to fruition. However, I’ve started one for 2020.
Ten years have passed, and the intention list of 2009 is far
off from where I am today, although I am still writing and doing art. I experienced
the loss of my aunt, then the following year, the loss of my beloved mother and
all the ensuing heartaches.
I learned to live alone, did three solo travels, wrote and
published a book, moved to another town, and evolved from charcoal drawing to
pastel painting. I redesigned my website and wrote more blogs. I continued to evolve
with my writing, creativity, and life, each year letting go of some things to
focus more on what mattered to me most.
Last year seemed to be one of those transition/waiting mode
years. It was full of interruptions, distractions, and life contemplations. What
I call my “Year of Discombobulation.” It was further realizing my limitations balanced
with what I’m willing and able to do. I felt my life was in the middle of a
change, and not just because I turned 65.
It seemed like much of what I’d thought I’d do or
accomplish, I didn’t. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, and it didn’t mean I
didn’t get anything accomplished. I actually did a lot! Just not what I’d
thought I’d do.
Many times, I felt up in the air, waiting for something to
happen, though I didn’t know what. Something was going on within me and
without. I meditated, read a lot, spent a lot of time in the gardens, and
contemplated my life. I had no idea where it was going to take me.
The last couple months of 2019 started giving me vision for
my life and what I want now. I’m fully accepting of who I am, knowing I’m
always evolving and becoming more wholehearted. I’m more comfortable with
setting boundaries and knowing when to be flexible … Well, maybe not so much
physically, ha-ha.
The creative life is consuming me, and I am happy. I’m
adapting new rules for myself, making them my way and in my words, and looking
to expand my crafts. I’m determined to complete unfinished projects that mean a
lot to me while totally letting go of others. Letting go of older things lets
me move on to new. I’m open to possibilities and opportunities.
Some recent revelations have freed me up to be even more
creative. For instance, the need to sell my paintings. I was holding back doing
more paintings because others haven’t gone to new homes. But wait! If I love
what I do, why should I let lack of sales stop me from doing what makes me feel
incredible? So yes, I’m going to continue to paint because it makes me so happy
to see my finished pieces.
Perfect? No. But life isn’t perfect, and I can be OK with my
imperfections. They can be my little quirks. Feeling joy is much better than
being perfect anyway!
So, I wish you all a Happy New Year, and may you all find
the little joys in life that make you happy!
