Another Aspect in Living a Wholehearted Life

There's still bright yellow in remaining leaves to add a brilliance to the overcast morning. Here is it going on 9 a.m. and it's still dreary-dark. I've just now finished my morning pages, later than usual and six pages! A lot went on yesterday, and this morning the fire is lit over some reading I did last night in “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. I have to share, even before buckling down to this week’s newspaper work.

I only spent maybe 10-15 minutes in reading and jotting down a few notes. I'm always amazed when I read something I've read before, but this time, the spark ignited the tinder and the flames roared.

So, the chapter title of last night's reading was "The Things That Get in the Way." And Brown talks about times in her life she faltered and fell on her face, times when she was imperfect -- in front of audiences. 

Here is what she said is the bottom line to living wholeheartedly (which was a big revelation for her and really stands out for me, too): 

"If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about things that get in the way -- especially shame, fear, and vulnerability." – Brene Brown

She said it's not a how-to and it's not listing 10 easy steps/tips for a better life. There are no shortcuts; shortcuts are seductive. We have to slog through, not live, the swamps (of our lives). And this reminded me of her quoting Teddy Roosevelt's arena speech in another book: 

The following is known as the “The Man in the Arena” and an excerpt from the “Citizenship in a Republic” speech given by Theodore Roosevelt at the Sorbonne, Paris, France on April 23, 1910.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

This is the most meaningful piece of writing I think I've ever read! It always brings tears. Because we DO have to get in the arena! We get dirty and we make mistakes. We have to slog through the swamp to live wholeheartedly, with love, compassion, openness – and our imperfections. It's not about famous people. It's about us, every day people trying to live a good life, an honest life with integrity, and doing the best we can. There are no quick and easy steps.

What I also realized last night, was this is what I've been trying to do in my writings and conversations. Stories let people know we are not alone in our struggles. Stories are not happily-ever-afters – which may seem so for a short time, but life is life. Maybe the Buddhists are right; life is a struggle.

But we don't have to let the struggles get us down ... or keep us down. That doesn’t mean we can’t live good, happy-for-the-most-part lives. We find the strength to get up when we slip in the mud and fall flat on our faces. We dust off our clothes, put ointment on bruises, shake off the pain, and move on. We do what we can and ask for help when we need to. We figure things out. And make time to enjoy breaks, look at the beauty around us, love ... 

We can tell our truths and don't have to pretend life is perfect, that everything is hunky-dory. We can look our shame, despair, fear, and vulnerabilities in the face and say, "I can be better! I am not defeated! I intend to live life fully and wholeheartedly!" And stand tall while saying it!

Also, telling our true stories is not a woe-is-me. It's that, when we are not telling our true stories, we are hiding issues which gives them power over us. It's holding secrets (the secret of shame, fear, vulnerability) which then silently eats away at our souls. Talking things out brings light to those dark places and releases us.

Yeah, sometimes we need to tell the story more than once, but if we're doing it with the intent to heal ourselves and live a wholehearted life, we are climbing the ladder out of our dark wells. Telling our stories releases those things that get in the way; the things that hold us back from living a wholehearted, balanced life.

Sharing stories connects us to others also striving to live better lives. We are not alone and when we share connection, we help one another and help make our communities and the world a better place.