It’s funny (not really funny, more irritating) that I
write in my mind while doing morning exercise, but by the time I sit down to actually
write, what was in my mind has been erased. I have to start over …
I started hearing about CBD oil about a year ago. I related
it to marijuana. I know quite a few people who smoke, and I don’t have a
problem with that. I don’t see pot as a drug. However, it’s never been anything
I’m interested in. I tried it a couple times when I was in my 20s but didn’t
like it. (I know, some people say, “She didn’t really inhale.”) But I just didn’t
like feeling I didn’t have control of my body, nor did I like doing anything illegal.
I always got my highs from good conversation, seeing beauty in nature, enjoying
a good walk in the woods or at the beach, etc.
I’ve been struggling for years with the ups and downs of
depression. (I’ll admit it now, but until this year, I refused to call it
depression.) I noticed a cycle; I’d be fine for a few months, then for a couple
months when I’d be on the downward spiral. For years I handled it with meditation,
tai chi, writing, and other ways of relaxing the mind and soul. I always knew after
a bit of sadness I’d come out of it and be OK until the next cycle. It was part
of life.
After my mother passed away, it seems the pressures of life
began to weigh heavy. Maybe part of it had to do with living alone, except, for
the most part, I like living alone. The times I was sad started to be almost as
often as I was happy. I blamed it on the loss of my mother for a long time
because I missed her so much, and I dealt with the downward cycles doing what I
do. Then in 2016, when I was traveling, I experienced what I felt was my first
real anxiety attack. That scared the daylights out of me, and I worked hard to
not let that happen again.
As the next couple of years went on, I noticed my downward
spirals became more frequent. I’d cry at the drop of a hat, I’d have trouble
dealing with any kind of legal document or filling out a form, I couldn’t make
decisions because I wouldn’t be able to make up my mind, I felt I had so much
to do and I couldn’t get it all done, and the it was all speeding up and
getting out of control, and time was running out – oh, it went on. I realized I
was having more anxiety attacks!
Some suggested I see a doctor and get meds. No way! I refuse
to buy into that (for myself – I know it’s necessary for many others.) However,
this year between the hounding of health insurances and Medicare supplement
ads, scam phone calls invading my privacy, begging phone calls (every
organization wanting money), not being able to get real people on the phone and
having to go through all those automated prompts with me screaming obscenities
at the fake callers, and feeling I was working and “on” all the time, I felt I
was falling into a pit I couldn’t get out of. How could I continue to live
wholeheartedly if I was falling apart all the time?
I started paying more attention to the stories I heard about
CBD oil and how it was helping with anxiety and pain. I became more intrigued
and started asking questions. I was subtle, not sure who I could trust in
bringing up the subject. But suddenly, it seemed to be all over the news and on
a trip to Hampton Beach in June, I saw CBD products in two different stores!
But I didn’t dare buy anything. I didn’t know what to buy
and if I did, would the police be pulling me over farther down the road after
capturing me on camera.
I did some research, looked up websites, talked to people.
Info had me cautious of what exactly to buy and where; there are many varieties
and places. And it’s not cheap! The first few sites I looked at wouldn’t take
credit cards, so what website could I use or what store should I go to? I
couldn’t decide and would prefer to purchase local.
An offhand comment to someone and I had a contact and
obtained my first bottle of CBD oil tincture. The directions said to put three
to five drops under the tongue twice a day. I didn’t dare try it the first
night, but early on July 1, I took two drops, not expecting much.
Almost immediately my mind felt clear. All the weight that’d
been pushing me down for the past few years and getting heavier, was lifted.
Almost instantly. Of course, I didn’t trust it. It had to be a fluke … all in
my mind, right?
Was this a high? No, I didn’t feel a buzz or high. My mind
felt clear and I felt centered and grounded. I continued with my day changing
sheets, doing laundry, working outside. My legs still ached horribly, so the
pain wasn’t relieved, but the mental relief was remarkable.
I was still feeling so mentally well later, I decided to
tackle a price increase with Comcast which I’d been putting off. For once I
didn’t get upset with the automated prompts, and when I wasn’t satisfied with
the results, I took courage and called TDS to switch providers. Wow, I got
through all that remaining calm and not swearing at anyone!
I debated taking more drops at bedtime. I decided to try it
and took two more drops at 9 p.m. I fell asleep before finishing my gratitude prayers
and even though I got up three time during the night, when I did sleep, the
sleep was deep and restful. Best sleep I’ve had in a long time.
Stay tuned for more …
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